Not Another Bloody Big Mushroom

Why is the world stingey? If you'll recall, rare candies were the creme doo-di-doo creme, back in the days of Red & Blue. If you managed to work your way to a distant mountain peak, or had the cunning to look under an isolated looking shrub, then chances are that you got your just deserts - a rare candy.

Geezuz Christ, I mean, that shit rasies your Pokemon ONE WHOLE LEVEL! Think how much time that friggin' saves! When you're Pokemon is level 75 and it's taking millenia to level it up each time, it's pretty tempting to cram a boiled treat down it's throat now and again.

But even if your puzzle solving and natural curiosity weren't rewarded with precious rare candy, you'd at least receive something like an ether. Ethers are hugely helpful when it comes to the Elite Four and you realise that you've been using Earthquake way too much (they shouldn't make it such a good move). Plus, you can't buy ether, you have to find them, so again, it's a pretty nice thing to come across.

So you can imagine my increasing annoyance as I trecked through the Unova Region and all I could find were bloody, Big Mushrooms. There I was, walking around like a tit head, waving the "Dowsing Machine" around my head like a bloody berk (that's the itemfinder to those who prefer old skool terminology) and every time I got close to something that I expected to be amazing - IT WAS A BLOODY BIG MUSHROOM!! No! No, I don't want this! Whose idea was it at the Game Freak that decided to scatter mushrooms all over the sodding floor in this game? What botantic madman decided to chuck spores out far and wide so that every single Pokemon trainer who went out to the world was forced to traaawl through a series of undeeded crappy old fungus-prizes before on the rare occassion finding themselves an ether.

I mean, do you remember when people wanted rare candy SO badly, that they would corrupt their very save file just to gain an infinite, if illegitimate, supply of the things. Oh Cinnibar island; that coastline of yours held such mysteries, some of which even you couldn't explain. But can you imagine modern trainers today, surfing up and down one of the ports in Castelia City in order to cheat and gain x100 Big Mushrooms? No, me neither. And no, not even those mushrooms, you hippy.

A big mushroom is basically described as "a mushroom that can be sold to a collector for a high price" - WHAT COLLECTOR? That sounds as if I'm going to be wandering along one day and stummble across something called 'The Unova Region Annual Mushroom Convention '11! Come on in and join the fun! We have rissotto and rides and fancy dress and most important of all; BIG MUSHROOMS. Great. No, the only collector is your recgular shop vendor, so I'll sell that for 50 credits and be on my way shall I? Thanks for forcing me to fill my pockets with these entirely useless items. Why put these in the game, WHY? They're completely useless.

OH LORD, and don't even get me sodding started on the those bloody SMALL mushrooms.


YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!