Day One in the Unova Region

So I woke up and had my sexuality questioned by some old spinster named Professor Juniper. She had the cheek to ask me if I was a boy or a girl - I'd always thought it was pretty obvious, but I think maybe that's part and parcel of being a Professor of Pokemon is that you don't see genders too well. It was also thoughtful of the Professor to introduce me to a boy and a girl from my town, who were my age and apparently who needed introducing despite their being my best friends for the last ten years.

Today I started my pokemon adventure and my idiotic friends came over to choose a pokemon with me. They were in a gigantic birthday present and I after twenty minutes sitting in front of my DS, I chose the starter I said would be my last choice.

Boom:

So, off I waltz with this snooty looking grass type, that is, after I suffer the obligatory battle with my friends/rivals. I've never understood the "first battle", not even in Pokemon Red - how much can you learn about battling and pokemon with tackle and leer for gawd's sake? OH BOY, I THINK I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE! MY POKEMON HAS GROWL, THAT REALLY TURNED THE TIDE IN OUR FIRST MATCH. Honestly, just give me the mutha-fuckin' running shoes and I'll be on my way.

Cheren, who I sense will annoy me, challenged me to catch as many pokemon as possible in the four cubes of grass between my home town and the next one. I caught none.
Traditionally, you grow up around two types of Pokemon before you set off on your adventure, most frequently a flying type, and something domestic, with four legs. You soon learn to despise these two Pokemon and while nothing will ever be as annoying as bloody Zigzagoon, I hate this and this guy, so much:



And when they evolve they get even more annoying, because they are slightly tougher to get rid of.

By the time I've dealt with Cheren and Bianca's constant hold ups, discussing just how magical it is to be going off on an adventure and how lucky we are to be using Pokemon, about ten times over, each, I have very little time to listen to Team Plasma and even less to bother exploring the ridiculous town I'm in - and hour in, I just want something like a gym battle or a forest and it hasn't come yet. Admittedly a lot of that hour was spent coming up with the name "Pendragon" for Snivy, but COME ON. So off I go, embarking once more into another region of Pokemon - FULLY AWARE, thank you, how to catch Pokemon, how to battle Pokemon, how to heal Pokemon, where to buy things and how it's important to love and care for my pocket monsters...NOW GET OUT OF HERE AND LET ME HEARTLESSLY CALCULATE AN EFFECTIVE TEAM OF POKEMON.