Winter Time in the Unova Region!

Brrrr - Winter time in the Unova Region! Seasons change once a month in Pokemon Black & White and if you thought that women (hoo,HOO!) acted up, you haven't seen nothing, until you've experienced one of Unova's monthly seasonal changes!

Except you have, because the changes to the landscape are milder than an untouched bide attack. Such is the lack of imagination amongst us all that we have all been subject to someone saying "doesn't everything look different in the snow?", when it snows. In the Unova region, they must have a similar expression, that goes "doesn't everything have a slightly blue tinge in the snow?". It had been reported that during seasonal changes I would be able to explore previously impossible to reach areas through newly fallen mounds of snow - YES - those Ethers and Max Potions are mine!

Once I had explored all two of these newly reachable areas, I found that the only true difference between Autumn & Winter was a satisfying crunch as I ran around and a change in that deery Pokemon...I caught one of those and called it BabySham, because I am a genius:





It's a drink that looks like a Pokemon!

Winter has been nice. It gives greater depth and reality to the Pokemon universe as a whole. Ultimately however, it has very little function, but was marketed as a feature. By the same token, Pokemon Black & White might as well have advertised a menu system with arrows and a character with an all new hat!! My point being, more work could have gone into Wintering up the place.



I was going to suggest some new features that would have made a difference, but instead here is how just the Winter months could be improved in Pokemon:

-Tabogoning...erm...yeah
-Running through snowmen...and sort of...smashing them down
-Snowballs and they could...um
-Wearing a coat?

IN CONCLUSION, they actually did a pretty good job with Winter and I see very few ways to improve upon it...but...

In the next Pokemon, I want the chance to customise my character a little more. Like...not wearing a cap...wearing a dark blue coat and having gigantic hair...but in the game. Anyway, I've got to go, the snows coming down again and its a nightmare to get up the hill with my bike. And in this weather, I can't exactly fly around on a Pokemon.

REVISED OPINION: Winter is an entirely unnecessary addition to the game. I feel as if the seasonal changes were purely introduced for the benefit of one Pokemon whose appearance changes seasonally. There are no siginificant areas or events that occur as a result of winter or any of the other weather types.

I mean, why not try:

-Having some Pokemon migrate across certain areas in accordance with the time of 'year'.
-Having a big lake that could be crossed on foot in winter and surfed across in summer. Good place for recurring battles with trainers, either swimming around or ice-skating.
-Having moves work differently depending on the weather. Despite it snowing sometimes, I didn't ever have a battle where it claimed to be 'hailing', which is silly.

Anyway, I have things to do.

Pikachu Wizard

I don't really remember drawing this. Going by the notepad it's in, I guess I did this in 2005 or something. For some reason I guess I thought "Hey...hey wait a minute...there is no way, that Pikachu would wear a wizards hat...so don't even think about it" - and then, just to hammer that point home, I drew picture of him - as Mr. T apparently.

Trainer Chaz Sprite

A friend of mine got a friend of his to put together a spritey Pokemon image type thing. They asked me for my three favourite Pokemon. That was a tough question and I'm sure I could have a different answer everyday. However, today, I went with Bulbasaur, Slaking & Crobat.

Bulbasaur was the first Pokemon I ever had (from the original Pokemon Red!) and I always liked it, including in the cartoon series. Slaking is one of my favourite Pokemon in my extended squad and hails from the first file I had on Pokemon Sapphire. It is named St. Hubbins. St. Hubbins has won many battles, even though it is ridiculous. Crobat is from my copy of Pokemon Heart Gold and was specially bred so that it learnt hypnosis. It is called Cindy, which is a terrible name, but I like it because to train up a Zubat from level one is mental and therefore brilliant.

Oh; and here's the finished article. An image of Cheren was used, which seems pretty appropriate I think, considering the cast of characters available.

My Academic Proposal for a Real Pokemon League

This blog entry is still due some more pictures, colouring in, etc, and just some things to brighten up the place and expel some of the intense intellectual discussion that is going on here.

I recall a discussion I had with an associate trainer of mine when I was twelve. We were such fans of Pokemon that we began to discuss how it might be possible for it to become quite real. A world in which twelve year olds could leave home and gain their independence through rearing wild animals appealed to us greatly and it certainly beat the only other gritty option, which was to murder your parents and join the circus.

Now at twenty-two and with several rejection letters from a number of major circus tours, I once more turn my attention to this question: "Could an actual Pokemon league truly exist in modern Britain and indeed, the modern day EARTH?"

First off, I'm not counting these tournaments run by Nintendo and The Pokemon Company. Good as they are (first prize in this country is an all expenses paid trip to Haiwaii for the global tournament) this all feels too world cup like, too laden with rules about what version of Pokemon you're using and too inpractical; temporary.
I guess what I'm saying is, minus the morons and disgusting excess of cash, I want to form the Premiership of Pokemon. A domestic league that plays almost exactly like the the Pokemon League that Ash participates in, in the cartoon series.



It's not such a crazy idea. Here, let me help you out. Since journeying around the country is needed, participants cannot be twelve, they must be older (or maybe accompanied by a parent? But what parent would go to Birmingham for Pokemon?).
So, participants would have to be sixteen, straight off the bat. Secondly, I personally would put a ban on legendary Pokemon. They're stupid, better than the rest, everyone can catch them in the game and it's just unfair. No Legendaries.
So, we'd need gym leaders. Ok that's easy enough. I officially declare myself, Gym Leader of Maidstone for the British Pokemon League.

Yikes. Then I'll need the following:

-A running theme to my Pokemon.
-A number of original badges of my own design (ensuring that they cannot be copied)
-A place to call a Gym.

Let's say I'm a normal-type gym leader. I can make badges out of anything, as long as I can keep producing them. A gym? Well, in truth, since Pokemon are, I truly regret to say, not real in the flesh, a gym is not necessary. But, perhaps some eccentric hat or garb would be appropriate when performing your gym leader duties. When you're done, you should end up with something that looks like this:


(This still needs some colouring in - I don't own the right shade of brown. OH WHAT, SORRY, SO SUE ME)

Here's how it all works; Joe Blogs buys Pokemon White - BOY, is he excited! He completes the game (or whatever, gets half way through). At this point he's wondering why he can't go online with his DS no matter where he is and how much he would like to battle some human trainers instead of the mediocre challenge of the game's trainers.
He finds The Official British Pokemon League online. He orders his Trainer Card/Liscence (which will cost like, £1 I guess). Online, there is also a profile of all eight Gym Leaders in The Official British Pokemon League, along with their [pokemon] contact details (an email), their location (say, Maidstone) and the name of their badge.

Joe Blogs gets in touch with these Gym Leaders one by one. He meets them in coffee shops, bus stations or somewhere out of the way where he won't get beaten up for playing Pokemon. When he wins, he gets a gym badge and the Gym Leader signs his Trainer Card.

When he has all eight badges & signatures, he can fight the Elite Four in the same manner. If he beats the Champion, he is officially the new champion and gets the one existing Champion Pin when he wins. Next time a new trainer wants to fight the Champion, they come to him.

Boom. Pokemon League. Now, it might seem like a long process, with a lot of travelling all over the land. Yeah, hi, IT'S CALLED A POKEMON JOURNEY ok? Think of the experiences you're gonna have and the time spent playing Pokemon on the train. Excellent.

In terms of trainers fighting trainers on their journey, there will be an optional and generic trainer...um...also badge? To be worn when a trainer has their DS with them and they are happy to battle someone - so if you're playign Pokemon and see someone with a "!" Pokemon Trainer Badge, then you can ask them for a battle! Primo.

So there you go. There'll be problems to iron out at first sure. But I think we could have this down by 2013, no trouble. Plus, it beats the idea I had when I was twelve. When I was twelve, the idea I proposed to my friend was that in the future we can have all the floors, everywhere, across the world, outside and in, layered with a metal computer system that generated hollograms - hollograms of Pokemon. And that we would have Pokeballs that could interact with and save these Pokemon, either beaming out our own or capturing the other. That one might not be ready for 2013. 2050, maybe.

In the meantime, I'm taking applications from would be Gym Leaders. You just need your own city, theme and badge name/desgin.

Day 4 in the Unova Region - Bridges Apart

Leaving behind that stupid old town I went in pursuit of Team Plasma in a nearby forest, but not before catching some stupid looking Pokemon. I turned down catching a Tympole, although I would be back here some days later to catch one. FUTURE SIGHT.

Anyway, these woods were populated by some pretty silly Pokemon and as well as battling members of Team Plasma I took this chance to train up ma Poke-mons in the wild. On I went and eventually I came upon the guy who had taken the Dragonite skull. I cut him down to size and he'll no doubt think twice before jerking around with skull stealers again, boy howdy he will.

I also had to deal with a drag queen called Ghetis who I had met once before. Whenever I see him he always comes right up to me and gets all in my grill. He has no concept of personal space and I find him creepy. He's a bit of a nut-job, so I ignored him and made for the forest exit.

This lead me to a bridge. A big, fuck-off, 3D bridge!! It took, FOREVER to cross. I mean, once the DS has shown off it's ability to construct a 3D, curly bridge and I've been on it for 3 minutes, that's enough. And their idea of bustling traffic going underneath the bridge consists of one, green topped truck that seems to be the only vehicle in the entirety of the Unova region. Anyway, there were no bikers hanging around to battle, as would be in-keeping with most Pokemon bridges. I got across eventually, with my running shoes worn thin and descended into Castelia City.

This was all too overwhelming for me. Honestly, by Pokemon standards, it was too big, there were too many people to talk to, so I went and skulked around a Pokemon Centre for an hour. I wanted nothing to do with it.

When I came out, I just went up an alley way, ignored everyone and went into the desert. Here I finally found two, brilliant looking Pokemon that I was determined to catch. They were, BOOM:

Darumaka (who I called Hugo)



See, this guy is great, because right, he's a fire Pokemon, which I needed, and also, it's sort of in the shape of an egg. So you can't say fairer than that really. I like how in Pokemon Black & White the Pokemon all have this sort of gif. like movement AND as a side-note here, they also close their eyes if they are put to sleep......I sound like a child with a doll.

The next great Pokemon I caught was, BOOM:

Scraggy (which I called Chuckles)



First of all, my nicknames are great. Second of all, Scraggy is great, because it keeps trying to pull its trousers up, right, but it can't. I just like Pokemon who look the right side of ridiculous, which these two do.
I was expecting a ground type or something here, but Scraggy is extremely useful as a Fighting & Dark type. Well worth catching also, because later when you fight the "Elite" Four, you will find that a Fighting/Dark type will pretty much win against everyone on its own.

So now I had five Pokemon (which is plenty to be getting on with). Eventually I wandered back into Castelia City. But I didn't want to.

Gone Fishing

In the Pokemon Universe, people don't necassarily choose a career. Indeed, few people seem to actually work and the place exists like some sort of communist bohemia. However, that is not to say that life is without it's choices for the people of Unova.

Everybody but everybody has to make a choice in Pokemon and that choice is, 'What Stereotype or Category of Person Will You Be'? For example, if you like camping and your name is Terry, you will now be defined as 'Camper Terry'. If you like a good walk and you're named Winston, chances are that you will be generally known as 'Hiker Winston'...and of course if you like fishing and you happen to be called Brian, you sir, will widely be regarded as, 'Fisherman Brian'.



(An interesting side note is that outdoor activites rarely seem to have female Pokemon trainers - apparently all the hiker girls are concentrating on hiking, not Pokemon)

The point of this article is not, though, the fact that everyone gets defined by their favourite past-time. My actual issue is quite apart from this and a lot more specific to one guy.

In every single version of Pokemon that there has ever been, there has always been one fisherman that stands out against the army of other fisherman. This guy has a strong and stubborn philosophy when it comes to Pokemon - and that philosophy is, an entire team of Magikarp, and only Magikarp.

At what point was he sitting there fishing when he thought to himself "Boy I love my Magikarp. I wish I...no, I couldn't possibly...would society allow it? Would society allow me to train an entire squad of just Magikarp? Even at level 60, I could stop them from ever evolving. I'd be WORLD-RENOWNED"

What happens though, is that a young, shot-gun trainer, like Trainer Chaz for example, comes walking along, thinks "Oh, some experience for my grass pokemon versus adversaries like Seaking, Finneon aaand...um...Tentacool!" - but no, what I have to do is trawl through a never-ending team of level 60 Magikarp, who reward me less experience than wild Pokemon! And there is ONE of these guys in EVERY single version of the game. And I suppose what I want is for him to seriously question why he has become a pokemon trainer and not just dumbly say to me afterwards "I have no idea why I only catch Magikarp!" - ITS BECAUSE YOU'RE USING AN OLD ROD STUPID.



p.s. and while we're at it, fuck those Bug Catchers who turn up with a squad full of Metapods. I haven't got time for your tomfoolery, go back to Viridian Forest ya jerk-offs.

Day 3 in the Unova Region - A Town Full of Smug

I finally got out of that dang town and set off towards Route 3. Found a day care centre, which was pretty useless to me at this stage in my adventure and a play ground with a slide. Given Pokemon Black & White's constant need to show off it's graphic capabilities, I was surprised that my character strolled down the slippery side of the slide as if it were a bit of a gentle hill - I expected to see my character whip down it or something. I didn't particularly care though, so on I went.



Just as I tried to turn down Route 3, those bestest friends of mine, Cheren and Bianca turn up, bleeting on about some kid and some thieves and so on. Bianca, who has been designed as just a bit too much of a weiner for my taste, stays with this kid who has had their pokemon stolen and Cheren and I are supposed to pursue Team Plasma to Wellspring Cave. Now, I'd already been over there a few minutes ago and caught my first and my second Pokemon, a Roggenrola and a Woobat. Roggenrola, because knowing Pokemon, something so poo and small will become good. Woobat, because it looks just the right shade of ridiculous. Funny, but not desperate. Anyway, I didn't much fancy heading back that way, but however many times I tried to go the way I wanted, Bianca must have summoned some sort of super-human strength or shown me her bazongas or something because try as I might, I was not allowed to go the way I wanted. So I had to go and help Cheren.

While there seemed room for a double-battle here, the game instead opted to make me fight slowly through these two Team Plasma goons, along with Cheren who I don't think did much.
I wonder why it is that Team Plasma, an organisation who must be spread across Unova, find it only ever worth catching crappy old Patrats, who are essentially jumped up Rattatas who automatically learn Bide. I want a challenge, why doesn't Team Plasma try and seduce trainers like me? There's no point in them using Bide when I can knock them out in one or two moves. Idiots.

Anyway, it was easy and a waste of time. We got the Pokemon back, gave it to the kid and was I on my way. I wandered around Route 3 for a long time, training up my new Pokemon, Greta and Bongo. Good names. I didn't catch a Blitzle, because I knew that literally everyone else would catch one. And I decided that I really hated Purrloin.



Eventually I got to Nacrene City. For some reason, everyone kept trying to sell me furniture I didn't need and it was full of back-packers and coffee shops. It was like Glastonbury, crossed with Pottery Barn...situated in Belgium. So, basically, it was awful. I went off to fight the gym leader, who was an embarassment and who used normal type Pokemon. Tougher than the firts gym obviously, but come on. Once again, I was left wondering how by this standard, Brock & Misty weren't in the Elite Four, given how tough they were in Red & Blue.

Anyway, when I came out some Team Plasma bastards stole a Dragonite skull. Guess who had to do something about it? Honestly, it was like dealing with the Hamburgler every two bloody minutes. "Oh, Chaz, could I ask you to go after them?" - what? No? It's not my bloody museum! Oh, and you want me to take the rubbish out and make the beds first I guess? No, sod off.



Anyway, I went and pursued them through some forest, but not before saving the game in the Pokemon Centre.